No, my dad can’t come to the phone

In the first few days after my father passed away in September, my mom’s landline (!) and cell phone rang off the hook. Family and friends near and far called to extend condolences, offer bagels and homemade vegetable soup, and assist with logistics.

We also fielded calls from clergy, Veterans Affairs, and hospice staff. With so many details to manage during this overwhelming time, we weren’t particularly focused on caller ID. And when we dragged ourselves (emotionally spent and eyes swollen) into the apartment after meeting with the funeral home, we were greeted by the telephone’s shrill ring—as if to shock us out of our depleted state. My mom immediately picked up the phone.

Many of you know this anecdote’s outcome.

On the other end of the line: a perky nonprofit fundraiser who asked for my dad by name.

Yuck.

Of course, this individual and his organization had no way to know that my dad had passed only 48 hours prior. Yes, the call was jarring and intrusive. But I did not fault them.

This time.

However. If they ever. Ever. Call for him again, I’ll be less forgiving.

Listen to your donors. Properly decease constituents in your database. Record salutation and mailing preferences—and use them.

Making one mistake may be an opportunity for your donor to provide feedback. Repeating the mistake may cost you the relationship.

And also, just be nice.